A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
