1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
