Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
