did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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