In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she looked like the before picture.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
