Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
