i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
