you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize