Sry I called you an 8
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
