I hate your face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
