i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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