Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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