Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
