Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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