I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
