Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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