I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
