I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
