Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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