How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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