farters have to be the big spoon...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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