My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
