Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
