The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
