a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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