Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
