I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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