theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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