we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
