I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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