just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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