ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
