just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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