that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
