I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
