i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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