i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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