There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
