wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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