when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
