She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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