Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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