This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
