I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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