chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
