I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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