he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
