just come out here and I will go home with you...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
