Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
