Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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