Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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