Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
