i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
