I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize