if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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