my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
