he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
