So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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