On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
