We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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