the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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