Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
