Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My penis needs a shock collar
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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